*Photos from Deer Creek Drainage, Grand Canyon AZ, November 2024
We are never truly alone. We are consciousness evolving through exploration of itself. Erected constructs and boundaries of space and time create definition. This definition is not truth, it is a collection of imaginative yet helpful rules. We have limited capacity of focus, and are not always able to separate the human made from the universal truths of consciousness.
We can certainly be isolated and separated physically from others, this can be challenging and confusing. In my experience, when I am alone, I am closest to unifying with my greater self. However one views it, being alone is a wonderful way to connect with the unseen parts of ourselves and our world.
The feeling of being lonely is very different from actually being alone.
Loneliness is a sense that expands ones field of awareness. To be lonely is to feel massive space around us. While it may feel empty, it is not. As I feel lonely, it feels more like a vacuum. A large open space devoid of complication, chaos and drama. There is peacefulness to loneliness, one that often has me nostalgic and dreamy.
Through the silent clarity of loneliness, we find release of deep emotions. We may find ourselves going into deep wells. Hidden tunnels within our psyche, plumbing the depths of our emotional memories. Like a winter day in the mountains, loneliness can feel barren and cold.
Loneliness is not a place to dwell when feeling weak. To be present with this state, we must be centered and aware. Over identifying with loneliness can lead to despair and pity. To receive the benefits of intense emotional states, they must be free to unfold and express. In addition, we must be able to witness them in their fullness and richness.
Loneliness helps you to excavate deeper emotions.
When we’ve become too far extended from our center, deep emotions call us back home. Loneliness as a state is very spacious and calm. In this state, we are cleared of distractions and literally feel alone. This allows for the vision, presence, and expression we need so much.
Our deeply held energies are protected. They wait until it is ‘safe’ to come out and speak. The safest place to show our shadowy depths is (for the most part) when we are alone. We know ourselves, and even if we don’t wanna look at ourselves, we know it is there.
The illusion of loneliness magnifies our focus on our own experience.
When we are in this state, we have nowhere to look but inward. We are seemingly ‘withdrawn’. Pulled back towards self. Given a thousand things to look at, it isn’t very likely that you will stay focused on any one thing. The experience limits distraction, leaving less options.
We are forced to focus on our own experience. As the saying goes, ‘Where attention goes, energy flows’. We give ourselves a boost and a power up. We are literally called to feed ourselves energy.
Socializing Shifts are Energy Outward
Interacting and relating fosters buoyancy. We become distracted and disconnected from our deep experience. To relate to others, we muster strength from within and project it out. The more we interact with others, the less we interact with self.
Self requires one on one time with… well, self.
Balance is key, and in an ever watchful and busy world, the scales tip towards a lack of privacy. It is so easy to ‘lift ourselves up’ into a relational dynamic. I can just go on my phone. I can text or call. Youtube, television, social media all allow me to click and be connected with individuals, groups, and the world at large.
When given the option, most of us aren’t going to choose to sit and feel our uncomfortable feelings. Over the years, I have built practices aimed solely at doing this. Without my daily discipline, I won’t be in touch with myself. We don’t live in the wilderness (well maybe you do) anymore. If we did, we’d find communion with nature. This would help, but the new world is the new world. We are all part of it. Peace is a requirement for self reflection, personal growth, and overall human health. In your lifetime, you may meet a few people with whom you feel truly peaceful. In my experience, the greatest peace comes from the feeling of being with ourselves, in all that we are.
As the world continues to invade our every moment, we are challenged to find this inner peace.
***There are times, when we are lonely, and we just need to be with others. I trust that each of you can discern the difference. This essay is not to challenge you to be alone with your feelings, that’s up to you, know where to draw the line. Consider, however, how loneliness is here to help you.***
Feeling Lonely in a Crowded Space
What an interesting concept, right? Feeling lonely at a festival, a gathering, a large space full of people. This is a common phenomena and in the last ten years more and more people around me report this experience.
I have always felt this aching sense of loneliness, regardless of where I am. This used to be experienced as ‘negative emotion’. In the last few decades I have learned to revere this feeling and love it.
Loneliness is Self Preservation
The less time we get alone, the more we need it. Outer events, goals, and duties are super fun and exciting. Conversely, the inner call for attention, love, and processing are constant and grow all the time. When the inner energies get strong enough, our bodies create messages to pull us back towards the rich inner experience.
I see the experience of loneliness as an attempt to create the desired state for processing of deeper emotions. The unfathomable intelligence of the human design. Knowing what it needs and manifesting. It’s 2024 and the psycho emotional connection to health is becoming clearer and clearer. In my work with clients I have witnessed amazing results through creating safe and opportune places for others to FEEL. The talking, the astrology, the exercise and dietary change… they all just expedite the process.
Energies build for days, years, lifetimes. Experience these is a rite of passage. As painful and confusing as it may seem, it is a rebirth. It can be so strong that we need periods of rest to recuperate afterwards.
Yes, simply being present with self can be so exhausting that we require a vacation from self work!
Illnesses and disease can be directly connected to unprocessed trauma. Trauma, in this instance, is something that needs to be witnessed, felt, and brought to completion. The word trauma may bring ideas of accidents, deaths, violence. In the context which I speak, traumas are events that impact us so much that we are unable to process in the moment. They change us. In a way, redirecting our energy. Like a pipe with a dent, the water will flow differently as long as the dent exists. The impacts sit with us until it gets processed.
Healing Requires Investment in Self
Some traumas may unfold for the rest of one’s life. In this way, we become the experience, and learn to walk with a deeper than imagined before. Less intense traumas may clear more easily, but if it cannot be processed, it will hang around. All unprocessed feelings will continue to effect our every reaction.
We witness our conscious mind. The majority of our psyche still lies outside of awareness. It is our job to reclaim the parts of the psyche that are out of alignment with our intentions, goals and desired states of being.
Never forget that you require quality time with yourself. The dark parts are also the parts which require light. Every moment you spend feeling the discomfort will bring you closer to you.
A Note to my Reader
Wherever you find yourself, I am really glad you exist. There is magic in accepting our seeming ‘fate’. Whatever state you are in, offer yourself grace and time. Trust that powerful intuition and give it space to connect the dots. Put more of your faith into the hands of the universe. Be willing to listen and take action when the time is right.
Have a great day,
James
