Last night I took some extra time to set up a crystal grid, burn copal and frankincense resin, and meditate to welcome in the solstice.
Wow, has a lot of stuff changed recently. With all of my moving and traveling and shifting sands over the last year, I hadn’t taken time to settle in and connect with my deepest expression.
What I found was almost unrecognizable. Pluto Jupiter and Uranus transits across the board last year, I had no idea how different things had become. Regardless of astrology, I am reborn.
Along my meditative journey I reached a point where I felt that I had no desire for anything. Not like a detached state but when asking “What do I desire?”, nothing came back. I sat with this feeling, knowing that there is always something deeper.
Waves of fears and disappointments, the what ifs and the shoulds. After some deep breaths and maybe some tears ;-), what came to me was the deepest burning desire… PEACE.
What my soul truly seeks is a peaceful existence and experience. It is from a place of peace that sensitive, creative, and delicately beautiful things can be manifested and supported.
I did not want this just for me, but I understood that it must begin from within. The truest sense of satisfaction and joy came when I saw my brothers and sisters and to some extent children (human family) working in nature to support the collective. Playing, gardening, touching one another supportively and dancing. Basically, people free to do what they want to do.
This vision didn’t last long, I mean, c’mon its the solstice let’s go deep right? I then came to a space of deep and unrelenting sadness, like a lake which never sees sunlight and whose surface refuses to ripple.
What is this lake? What is this space? The answer was not hard to find. This lake was my peace, sad and alone, waiting to be adorned with human joy without violence and hostility. The water was pure and clean but it yearned for something more. My core seeks a vibrant community of individuals sharing and expressing themselves, feeling secure and confident in exploring who and what they are.
My sadness is a symbol of how far my reality IS from this place. I do not see it as impossible, but I am wise enough to see that humanity as it lives and breathes is quite far from this vision.
Perhaps my egoic sense of self needed to understand that I can’t bring everyone with me into my ideal setting. Furthermore, the vision is but mine, and while I feel inclined to say that others share this vision, I cannot say that another living being actually DOES.
So here I am, at the edge of my lake, nestled in the mountains. I will live my life as I have, taking care of myself, making the best of the opportunities brought to me, and creating the all other opportunities which I desire to experience.
Thank you all for being here during these epically interesting times. I look forward to co-creating with you in a more intentional and conscious fashion with every passing moment.
Xx May your soul be filled with peace xX
One thought on “Finding my Depths on the Solstice”
I’d definitely come join you at the peaceful lake waiting for other like-minded souls to come, one by one. Beautiful. Thank you for sharing. Wishing you and your wife and all of your beautiful kitties a lovely Christmas and a prosperous New Year!