The changes that occur in our life are opportunities to rethink the base patterns.
I’ve been through a lot of endings. Symbolic deaths to friend groups, careers, dreams, and relationships.
I’ve also experienced death of friends, coworkers, and family members. Devastating in it’s own right, a finality unlike any other.
The symbolic deaths, the dramatic endings, they hold their own unique challenge. Unlike the physical death of a loved one, the end of relationships challenges us to end the connection. For instance, when I move to a different city or when I part ways with a long term partner.
I find it’s much easier to let go of something when I can’t text, visit, or contact the person, place, or thing physically. When they are still here, it is such a test of discipline and presence.
I want to go back to the past, to that cozy place. Before I have the wisdom to comfort myself… my body, brain and heart scan my memory for recent and intense forms of love and comfort.
Conversely, when I feel this urge with a loved one who has passed, I immediately feel the grief, express, release, and then look to myself and the rest of the world for that connection.
Feeling grief and allowing yourself to exist in difficult emotions is an essential form of self care.
Perhaps you’ve experienced a scenario where you’ve left a town, a job, a community so that you wouldn’t have to interact with someone or something. An ending or shocking revelation made it far too difficult and inadvisable to interact any longer. Even the mere memory or thought of them stirs such emotion that it is hard to perform daily functions.
In this instance, to leave or escape may be entirely necessary. Just get away and start over in a place where you can get your head straight and have peace. Often the lessons transferred in such a split are complex and arduous to sift through and digest.
If, though, your soul is seeking to learn the act of ‘letting go’ ‘releasing’ and ‘focusing on yourself’ the lesson may return in a future (dis)connection.
Getting away from a traumatic situation is a great idea. If the town is on fire (as it was for me in Southern Oregon in 2020), get out of town. Pack up your life and GO!
If, on the other hand, there are rabbits eating vegetables from your garden, it may be a better choice to learn how to manage these fuzzy little annoyances. Instead of uprooting that which serves you and your life, find a way to protect your investments and focus on growing your garden, in ways that minimize interference from the pests.
Roots are real and meaningful. Wherever you are right now, consider how connected to you are to the people and places. Notice the comfort this offers you. The regularity offers easeful planning and execution of innumerable tasks.
I have spent considerable portions of my life in 4 places. Each day, I feel Baltimore, New York City, Connecticut, and Tucson.
Each time I left these towns, there was a trauma that is just part of the process. Home is so vital. Having a place to plant a garden, whether physical or metaphorical, is a need that, if not fulfilled, can cause major distress both conscious and subconscious.
I don’t need to reach far into the current events of the world for an example of the damage this lack can cause.
Pray for peace, pray for the end of stereotyping and scapegoating. Pray for the end of religion over decency. Pray for accountability for actions and a global unity… we are obviously family. Those who cannot see this, may they be cleared of their ignorance in a graceful and complete way.
Uprooting…
In 2016, I left NYC in the wake of a painful separation. I had experienced a magical relationship and the entire city reminded me of this soul teacher and partner. My nervous system, at that time, could not process and live my life in such an environment. I will also mention that New York City is not the place I would ever recommend to heal the heart. The city is magical and filled with the most amazing people I have ever met, however the electrical grid, collective mania, and lack of nature energy is not conducive to deep healing. Powerful realizations and activations YES, but healing… visit the beach or get a cabin in Vermont.
So I left Brooklyn, and honestly I ran. Overall this was a good decision, but the hole it left in my energy field was nearly as strong as the healing I was able to do. I had to get away from painful memories.
I left the food coop (and if you don’t known me or the park slope food coop… ya don’t get it). It was a source of nutrition, community, and as a healing foods chef, an adorable place to get high quality ingredients for my edible artwork.
I left my dance community. 5 rhythms and numerous other dance groups that were a piece of me. This community was a source of endless support, energy healing, wise advice, affection, therapy, and just amazing fun (I miss you all).
Finally I left my grid. Maybe it’s my grand trine in earth, but I become passionately and intimately connected to the land where I live. I use that power to navigate through the wilderness of the southwest, as I did in the East. This familiarity and comfort allowed me to navigate intuitively and feel opportunities. My business thrived with an effortless flow as I simply knew where to be when.
There is more, of course, but my point is that when we run, when we uproot, we lose essential pieces of our identity. Recovery takes time, often years, and we never fully go back to the way we were.
The Middle Path
Like I mentioned, things change and sometimes we just have to get away. This isn’t always the case, a little discipline and emotional regulation can have us throwing out the bath water and keeping the BABY!
I speak to this because it is what I am learning. I was born when the Sun was squaring Chiron. At 2:40 pm in February in Baltimore, the two planets aligned from the 8th to the 11th houses. There is a distinct wounding that has repeated itself ever since my childhood. Separation! Losing groups, friends, connections, being ripped from the familiar. I’ll spare you the details, but the wounds are real and are here to teach me about the human experience and my soul simultaneously.
In my observations of myself, friends, family, and clients alike, I have found that it is these wounds that guide us towards our highest calling. Like a light shining in the darkness, we are drawn down a cavern of discovery and self reclamation. Without the pangs of woundedness, these are places we may never be motivated to discover.
The astrological expression continues. When I was born, both the Moon and Venus were in trine to Chiron, creating a grand trine in earth. This causes such a wounding to be visceral, disruptive, and somatically rich. Grand trines, once they get rolling, can become a force to be reckoned with. They gain momentum and unstoppable inertia. In the helpful, conscious and productive expression, this is magical, easeful flow. Working through blockages with embodiment, calm, and groundedness. When it is painful, negative, brooding, or unconscious, this can unravel one’s life until things find their center. A sprialing away from self awareness into a void of painful despondent feelings.
Venus, Chiron, and the Moon all connect to some pretty deep feelings. They speak to shadowy areas, hidden motives. They denote the magic behind the scenes. What makes us tick, from a deep unconscious place.
At each juncture of my life where I have been cut off from my roots in a provocative and profound way, there has been a transit to this grand trine from an outer planet.
When I first worked as an astrologer in 2012, I was highly skeptical of my practice. Through study and looking back at the nature and timing of events throughout my life, I found a distinct correlation and qualitative reflection based on the planetary transits ((This same knowledge has allowed me to help hundred of clients over the years to gain a different and more balanced perspective on traumas and transformations)).
Basically, for myself and my clients, astrology is real. However, each person who attempts to interpret and specifically predict using astrology should be weary. Go slow, study your connection to the stars, and remember that astrology is not fatalism. At most, astrology points to potentials that express themselves fully or partially in multifaceted way at certain points in time.
In essence, there are always larger lessons at work. One trial or tribulation is probably not enough to uncover the depth of each learning potential. From the day we are born, until the day we die, we are here to learn about ourselves through experience, reflection, and ideally some grace.
What I have learned about unexpected changes is that they trigger my wheel. The earth gets unstable and hot under my feet. My blood boils and I enter into unconscious reactive states. As a child, there was zero chance I was going to catch myself and handle it with grace and discipline. Honestly, even in my early thirties, I used only a modicum of these qualities.
Now, however, on the heels of an unanticipated and deeply saddening divorce, I kept my roots intact.
I cried, I sat, I felt. I owned my part. I didn’t try to be perfect. I didn’t forget, but I did forgive. And most importantly, I didn’t run away. Whenever I have run in the past, I have run from a part of myself. I abandoned part of me, only to have the part return to my doorstep, sad and cold, years later. This time I just made a space in my home for him. My inner child remembers things I don’t. He became the bearer of the pain body. In this instance, all of his triggers were running wild.
I stayed, I felt it all, and now the fruits of my relationships to people and to the land can still nurture me.
Astrological note... It is neither surprising nor ironic that Uranus was in conjunction to Chiron as this unfolded over the past year. This also means that Uranus trines both Moon and Venus in my chart. The grand trine could not help but to evolve under this influence. My nervous system got its ass handed to it, but I made it through without abandoning myself.
Closing Wisdom
If you find yourself on the precipice of unprecedented change, please keep in mind that ‘this too shall pass’. Stay close to the habits and patterns that serve you. Before you eschew a swath of experiences and people, know that your time and patience can enable you to retrieve the gems from the rubble. It’s worth it to feel. To stick it out.
You are loved, and that is exactly why things had to change. No matter how difficult the experience, it wouldn’t happen for no reason.
If these words speak to you, in any way, please reach out, comment, or share.
If you feel that I could be of assistance during these times of change, reach out. Healing Sessions are available as one time or ongoing support. Just click the links below.
